Toast Obsessed? Kopii's on a Rampage!
by Hitteh Pitteh
Summary: Gourry wants toast for breakfast but for some reason he can't have any! Why not? Oneshot. No coupling. No point whatsoever. I just made this fic to have some fun with the characters. I wish that there was a 'weird' choice in the genres, though.


**A Note Before we begin: **WARNING! WARNING! WARING! beeeeeep beeeeeep EXTREMELY WEIRD FANFICTION! If you love weird stuff, then you've come to the right place. But, just as a warning, this fic has MAJOR OOCness, plot gaps, made-up words, no point whatsoever, and a terrible plot (and also on the illiterate side!) I made this fic so I could have a bit of fun, and let me tell ya, it WAS very fun to make. But if you don't like reading stuff that's hard to understand, don't read this fic. Also, please don't flame me, because you WERE WARNED! Think you're ready to read this odd fan fiction? Come on then! Try your best! BWAHAHAHAHAAAA! Wow. This was a long note.

_Toast Obsessed? Kopii's on a Rampage!_

From its crunchy texture to the warm melted butter coating its surface- Gourry adored toast. His love for toast had started recently, maybe one or two weeks ago. But though it had started recently, Gourry felt that toast had ALWAYS been a big part of his life. He ate slices upon slices of it for breakfast (at least the slices that Lina didn't get her teeth on first). Sometimes he even had toast for lunch! Gourry thought all day of toast, saw mirages of toast floating in front of him, always thought he could smell toast being prepared, and even DREAMED of toast.

To summarize, Gourry loved toast! He loved toast all day EVERY day! But when he had woken up on this very chilly morning, Gourry had felt an unbearable craving for his favorite food. And he couldn't ignore it. Seriously! Gourry actually tried his best to lie in bed and pretend that he wasn't ready to explode if he didn't sink his teeth into a slice of toast. But Gourry couldn't. He saw pictures of miniscule toasts with wings flying round in his brain (miniscule toasts for a miniscule brain!). Drool dripped down the side of Gourry's mouth. His heart was pounding so hard he thought he was going to die. Gourry NEEDED toast!

So Gourry had gotten out of bed and changed into his clothes (minus his armor)

, but had been stopped by Ameria, Zelgadiss and Lina (who were all sharing the SAME room as him). They wanted him to listen to their conversation about which town they should visit next. Gourry tried his very hardest to pretend that he was actually listening to their words, but a flying toast was distracting him. A deep voice seemed to be bellowing in his mind: TOAST, TOAST, TOASTITY TOAST! He needed toast! And he needed it NOW!

Gourry could stand it no longer. He rose from his sitting position on the soft mattress and headed for the wooden door. "I'm going to get some toast," Gourry told the group, pointing to the door of their inn room.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ameria, Lina, and Zelgadiss screamed in unison. Ameria sprung up from her bed and grabbed tightly to one of Gourry's arm, looking seriously at him with her sparkly blue eyes.

"Gourry-san... you MUSN'T! It's... it's... it's UNJUST!" Ameria pleaded, latched onto his arm like a leech. Gourry was usually confused by Ameria's behavior, but she was being EXTRA confusing today. And so were Lina and Zelgadiss! What was the harm in eating some toast? The urge in his heart was slowly getting stronger.

"Um... but I just want some toast..." Gourry insisted, throwing a clueless look at the group while trying to detach Ameria from his arm.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Everyone shouted again, making Gourry's ears sting. Even ZELGADISS was yelling. Sheesh.

"YOU MUST NEVER EAT TOAST!" Ameria scolded, giving him a threatening glare and still hanging onto his arm like her life depended on it.

"Yes!" agreed Zelgadiss, giving Gourry an equally threatening look. Gourry stared at his strange companions. They hadn't made such a fuss when he had eaten toast yesterday. So why were they so 'anti-toast' today!

"Uh... Why CAN'T I have toast?" Gourry protested, finally managing to separate Ameria from his arm, "I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want toast, guys! Pretty please?"

"Gourry-san!" Ameria screeched, "Do you really want to defy the code of Justice!" Darn! Gourry had forgotten what 'defy' meant. But whatever it was, it sounded like a bad thing...

"And you would be putting all of us in danger!" Lina added, staring fiercely at him. Gourry sighed. Lina was the LAST one who should talk about putting people in danger!

"How cruel can you get!" Zelgadiss exclaimed, making Gourry's head throb with confusion. Everyone was acting... strange today. Had he missed something important! Why was toast suddenly such a horrible breakfast! Gourry heard a buzzing sound and noticed a flying toast riding a unicycle circling around his head. The crave for toast was now to the point where Gourry was going insane!

"I'm sorry but I NEED toast!" Gourry wailed, throwing open the door and dashing outside of the room.

"ACK! COME BACK YOU UNJUST VILLAIN!" commanded Ameria, taking off after him. Lina and Zelgadiss followed. Gourry ran for his life, heading towards the nearest toast-shop.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Ameria, leaping into the air and twirling around sixteen times before tackling Gourry. The two of them slammed into the ground, both panting for breath.

"Alright..." panted Gourry, dizzy from the impact of the flying princess, "Tell me...WHY... I can't have toast!" Lina and Zelgadiss had caught up to them, both of them also breathing heavily. Lina reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded wad of paper.

"THIS is why!" Lina shouted, unfolding the paper with a sweep of her hand. The paper had a black and white picture of Kopii Rezo? Yes, Kopii Rezo! Gourry looked closer and noted that it was a newspaper. Why was Kopii on a newspaper?

"Uh... I thought we killed him..." Gourry mumbled, staring at the picture. Ameria (who was still on his back, pinning him to the ground), Zelgadiss, and Lina froze. They exchanged confused expressions with each other before continuing the explanation. Ameria screamed the next words so loudly that Gourry jumped five feet in the air WITH Ameria still on his back.

"PLOT GAP ALERT!" Ameria howled right into his ear. After jumping five feet in the air with Ameria on his back, Gourry clapped his hands over his ears in pain.

"Yes, Yes! 'Tis a plot gap!" Zelgadiss agreed, nodding vigorously. Gourry couldn't help wondering why he was so out of character today.

"Indeed! These things called 'plot gaps' happen often!" Lina added, pulling Ameria off of Gourry's back. Gourry sighed with relief. Ameria weighed as much as Firia had- and she was a DRAGON!

"I have all fifteen hammers of Justice in my pocket!" Ameria told him, as if reading his mind. She yanked fifteen immense black hammers from her pocket just to prove that she was being honest. WOW! How did she fit those things in her pocket! No wonder she fell like a rock when performing her 'Justice Routines' !

"ANYWAYS!" Lina hollered, making Gourry jump again, "Shall I continue my explanation!" Gourry and Ameria abruptly stopped their conversation.

"Kopii's gone mad!" Ameria shouted, though luckily not as loud as last time.

"He snaps every time he smells a slice of toast! According to the paper at least!" explained Lina.

"Yes, Yes! 'Tis true, 'tis true!" Zelgadiss agreed, still nodding enthusiastically. Gourry gaped at all of them. Usually he felt weird and out-of-place, but today, he felt like the only NORMAL one!

"So... I can't eat toast because Kopii will attack us?" Gourry asked, raising one eyebrow in confusion.

"Exactly!" Ameria agreed.

"Perfectly exactly!" Lina chimed in.

" 'Tis true!" Zelgadiss said once again.

"Huh..." Gourry grunted, trying to make sense of the story. So Kopii Rezo, a villain that they had defeated much earlier in their adventures, had been revived because of a 'plot gap'. For some reason, Kopii hunted down and killed anyone who made him smell toast.

"Well, say goodbye to the crispy toast full of yum-yum yumitties!" A flying toast in a rabbit costume sighed while orbiting Gourry's thumb. But Gourry didn't want to say goodbye to the crispy toast full of yum-yum-yumitties!

"Oh yeah!" Ameria suddenly remarked, "Also, toast is very unjust so you can't eat it for that reason as well!"

"Why is it unjust!" Gourry asked, flabbergasted. This was the most confusing day he'd had in a looooong time, if not EVER!

"Because Justice told me so! In a dream last night," Ameria explained, growing sparkly-eyed. Gourry decided to not even continue this pointless conversation. He was just about to get up (he was still lying on the ground) when a floating toast riding on a cloud zoomed by his head.

"I'm going to get some toast- I mean go to the bathroom, okay?" Gourry requested, a sly smile on his face. Wow. He was sure crafty! Gourry even amazed HIMSELF sometimes!

"Okay!" Ameria, Zelgadiss, and Lina sung simultaneously. Zelgadiss SUNG? Whooooo... Well, anyways, Gourry regained his footing and snuck over to the toast shop, glancing behind his back. Ameria, Lina, and Zelgadiss all had dopey smiles on their faces as they watched him go. Zelgadiss SMILING? Whooooo...

Gourry entered the toast shop, digging into his pocket for some money. There was no line, so Gourry walked right up to the cash register.

"Hi. Velcome (- and yes, he said 'Velcome' NOT Welcome for some reason!-) to Tipsy Timmy's Totally Toirifficated Terribly Tasty Toast! What can I do for you?" The cahier inquired. He had purple hair and closed eyes and had a happy (Why it was happy is beyond me) staff. He looked strangely like Xelloss... hey! Maybe it was Xelloss!

"Hi Xelloss!" Gourry greeted cheerfully. The cashier flinched.

"I'm not Xelloss!' insisted Xelloss, hiding the happy staff behind his back, "I'm just a simple cashier." But Gourry was certain it was Xelloss.

"Why are you working at Tipsy Timmy's Totally Toirifficated Terribly Tasty Toast?" Gourry questioned.

"I'm Xelloss's twin brother- er- third cousin! My name is Jelloss!" Xelloss explained, fumbling with his happy staff.

"Actually, your name tag says 'Wiggley Peterson'!" Gourry insisted, staring at the steel nametag on Xelloss's uniform.

"That's my... nickname!" Xelloss hastily made up an excuse, "I'd prefer if you call me Jelloss!" Gourry thought this over. Jelloss looked suspicious, but his story DID make sense!

"Okay, Jelloss! Wow, Xelloss never told me that he had a third cousin!" Gourry chuckled, grinning stupidly.

"Now, what are you going to order?" Xelloss- er- Jelloss questioned.

"I'll have the... uh... toast," Gourry replied, glancing at the menu. Xelloss grinned evilly. This was all going according to his plan. Actually, the real cashier was locked up in the basement. You see, Tipsy Timmy's Totally Toirifficated Terribly Tasty Toast had decided not to sell toast anymore after reading the article about Kopii's rampages. But Xelloss had wanted a bit of excitement. So he had decided to go against the rules and sell someone toast. And what better person to sell to then Gourry?

"Coming right up!" Jelloss zoomed into the kitchen and swiftly whipped up a piece of toast. "Here ya are!" he sung brightly, handing Gourry the toast seconds later.

"Thanks!" Gourry exclaimed, accepting the toast and smiling joyfully. The floating toasts would finally stop haunting him! Xelloss laughed an evil person's laugh.

"Aaah! This looks great!" Gourry sighed, lifting the steaming toast to his mouth, deliriously overjoyed. No sooner had the toast reached a fraction of an inch from his oral cavity, a figure rammed into the side of the building and knocked the entire thing over.

"Who could that be?" Gourry wondered, staring at the figure rushing towards him. Xelloss teleported to a safe place, knowing that his job was done. THIS would be interesting!

"GWAAAARRR!" growled Kopii, attacking Gourry ferociously.

"OH MY GOSH! KOPII!" wailed Gourry, dashing away from the mad copy of Rezo, toast still in hand.

OOOOO

"What's taking Gourry so long?" Zelgadiss asked, an optimistic smile pasted across his face.

"Maybe an unjust person clogged up the toilets?" Ameria suggested, an equally lame smile across her face.

"Hey look! A building just collapsed!" Lina exclaimed, a- you guessed it- smile across her face.

"Hey, isn't that Gourry-san?" observed Ameria, calmly watching the figure as he ran for his life.

"And isn't that Kopii?" Zelgadiss asked, pointing to the figure chasing after Gourry and emitting loud roars.

"Uh-Oh!" The smile faded from Lina's face.

"Do you think?" Zelgadiss began, also frowning.

"Yes," Ameria agreed, her face twisting into an expression of total anger, "GOURRY-SAN HAS BOUGHT THE UNJUST TOAST! TAHT VILLAIN!"

"Should we help him?" Lina asked, staring at the sky. Silence filled the area.

"Hmmmmmmmmm... okay..." Zelgadiss and Ameria agreed. All three of them nodded, and then took off after Gourry at a fast pace.

OOOOO

Gourry dodged a table that was hurled at him from behind. Why didn't he listen to Lina? He could have been relaxing at their room in the inn if he would have listened to their advice. But now, here he was, being chased by a rabid Kopii!

He dodged a parrot and a boulder the size of Shabranigdu as he continued dashing along the street. Kopii was tearing up every building in sight! He needed help! Kopii had a mad person's strength, so it would be no use fighting him.

"LINAAAAAAAA! HELP MEE!" Gourry howled, hoping she would hear him. The only thing he could do was pray.

OOOOO

Xelloss watched in delight as Gourry was chased around town by Kopii. This was very entertaining; he should try something like this more often! To make things even better, Xelloss could feed off of the fearful emotions shooting around town. Delicious!

Hmmm... What was that? A cloud of smoke? Heading his way? Oh no! Gourry was dashing past the building he was perched on top of and Kopii was following him. Xelloss hastily chanted a teleportation spell, but found that it wouldn't work.

"Not another plot gap!" Xelloss had time to whine before Kopii rammed into the building and sent the whole thing flying.

OOOOO

Gourry heard a deafening crash behind him and noticed that another building had fallen down. This wasn't good! What if someone had been watching them from on top of the roof of that building!

"GOURRY!"

"GOURRY!"

"GOURRY-SAN!"

Gourry drew in a deep breath and tasted relief as he heard the familiar voices. Lina, Ameria, and Zelgadiss were waiting for him just a few feet ahead. That was great, because Gourry felt like he was going to collapse from exhaustion.

"Recovery!" Lina cast the spell on Gourry when he reached them, and Gourry found that most of his strength had returned. The four of them all took of running, Kopii still at their heels.

"So, any idea how to beat him?" Gourry gasped, sprinting for his life.

"Uh... couldn't you just drop the unjust toast?" suggested Ameria, shrugging her shoulders as she ran.

"Yesity Yes! That could work," Zelgadiss agreed. Gourry had to admit, that did sound as if it would work. Why didn't he think of that sooner? Praying that it would work, Gourry flung the toast over his shoulder. It landed with a splat right in front of Kopii's feet. All four companions prayed.

"Toast..." Kopii sighed passionately, retrieving the toast from its place in the dirt. Then he began to munch on it in contentment, completely calmed down.

"Wow," Lina commented, staring at Kopii, "That guy is WEIRD!"

"By the way, Gourry-san," Ameria asked, "Do you think that you'll b okay without toast?"

"Yesity Yes." Agreed Zelgadiss, "Will you?" Gourry thought this over. He could no longer see the little toast mirages that danced around his head. Also, after the frightening situation, Gourry no longer craved toast. Yes, he would be fine.

"Yes, I will be fine," Gourry repeated the information stored in his brain to everyone.

"That's good. I'm gla-" Lina broke off of her sentence and stared at one of the heaps of rubble, "Oh gosh! Is that XELLOSS?" And it was. The mysterious priest lay under a mountain of rubble, unconscious.

"No, that's his third cousin Jelloss," Gourry informed them. Everyone chose to ignore him.

"He looks so peaceful when he's asleep- for a Mazoku- that is!" Ameria sighed, staring, "But I wonder why he decided to snooze in the middle of a pile of rubble out of all places!"

"Beats me! Xelloss is weird!" Lina groaned, kicking a chunk of stone.

"Yes, Yes. 'Tis true, 'tis true," Zelgadiss agreed.

"Zelgadiss-san!" Ameria whined, throwing him an annoyed look, "That is getting very annoying! And unjust too..." Zelgadiss looked gloomily at the ground, pouting.

"This toast is delicious!" Kopii interrupted, finishing off the toast in one crunchy bite. It was amazing how drastically his personality changed when he smelled a slice of toast. Kopii was so peaceful now that the toast situation was over.

"So, what should we eat for breakfast now that toast is out of the question?" Lina asked, shrugging her shoulders.

"Toast?" suggested Kopii, obviously not listening.

"Justice?" Ameria randomly asked, obviously not listening either.

"Vrumugrum and milkshakes?" Gourry offered his suggestion.

"Y' know, that actually sounds pretty good," Lina replied, licking her lips. Gourry was pleased that Lina had chosen HIS suggestion.

"As long as there's coffee involved, I don't care!" Zelgadiss grumbled, back to his normal self.

"Yes! I would like to eat Vrumugrum and milkshakes with all the justice in my heart!" Ameria cried, taking a confident step forward. A squishing sound filled the air.

"What was that?" Gourry asked, pondering what could have been the source of the interesting noise. Ameria glanced at what was under her foot, and let out a piercing scream.

"What! What is it!" Lina demanded, trying to get a look at the object.

"It's... it's... T-O-A-S-T!" whimpered Ameria, throwing worried looks at Kopii. Lina and Zelgadiss flinched, taking a couple large steps backwards. Gourry however didn't understand.

"T...O...A...S...T... What's that spell!" Gourry asked, scratching his head.

"What should we do without getting his attention?" Zelgadiss panicked, glancing from the toast to Kopii.

"Uhm... I could... distract him and Ameria could dump it in a nearby trash can!" Lina suggested, sweat popping out all over her face.

"Lina-san! Why don't YOU dump it in the trash can! Besides, he'll smell the T-O-A-S-T!" Ameria reminded her, still watching Kopii's movements.

"What does T-O-A-S-T spell!" Gourry repeated. He continued to think over the situation. A little voice in his head whispered to him, 'Toast! Toast!'. That was it! Toast!

"I could cast a barrier spell to protect you. Come on, Ameria!" Lina pleaded, giving Ameria her cutest look.

"Lin-san! That cute look needs work! It doesn't fool ANYONE! Not even Gourry-san," Ameria grumbled, refusing to be the only one in danger.

"I GOT IT! IT SPELLS TOAST!" Gourry shouted, snapping his fingers in excitement.

"GOURRY!" Zelgadiss erupted. Kopii's ears twitched as he heard the familiar word.

"TOAST, TOAST, TOOOOAST!" Kopii shouted, smelling the scent under Ameria's foot and charging toward the group. They promptly took off running.

"Gourry-san! How unjust of you!" Ameria wailed.

" Yes, Yes! Ameria's right!" Zelgadiss had begun the agreeing junk again.

"Jellyfish Brains! We should use you for bait!" Lina screamed, glancing over her shoulder at the charging Kopii. Gourry sighed with exasperation. How did this whole mess start over a slice of toast! At least he was now cured from the little toast mirages. But what had been that little voice chanting 'toast' in his head!

OOOOO

The 'little voice chanting toast in Gourry's head' teleported so he could get a better view of the situation, now free from the rubble that had been pinning him to the ground. This had definitely turned out quite a bit more interesting then Xelloss had expected.

FIN

**END NOTE: **DA DA DAAAAAAA! Don't say I didn't warn you! So how did you like it? evil sarcastic grin Once again... I was just having fun so don't flame, please. If anyone cares, I made up this story while watching "Trouble! Rahanimu the Furious Fishman" on the treadmill.

**To DQBunny: **Gulp! You're right! fixes mistake Thank you so much for catching that mistake... I'm glad you like toast! So do I!


End file.
